I got made redundant last year when my company downsized. It all happened so fast—one moment, everything seemed fine, and the next, I was without a job, feeling completely lost and terrified. As a single mum with two kids, I didn’t have any savings to fall back on. I always thought I’d have time to sort that out, but suddenly, I’m watching the bills pile up higher every day, and it’s all on me to figure it out. The pressure feels relentless, like a constant, heavy weight on my shoulders.
I thought I’d find another job quickly, but the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, and nothing solid has come through. I’ve been taking on whatever work I can—cleaning houses, doing bits of admin for local businesses, picking up shifts in retail here and there. But it’s all so unpredictable and so underpaid. I’m just about scraping by, never knowing from one week to the next if I’ll be able to make rent, keep the lights on, or have enough for groceries. Every single month is a frantic scramble just to keep our heads above water.
It’s affecting the kids, too, and it breaks my heart. I hate having to say no to them, especially when they’ve already had to adjust to so much. Even the small things, like buying new shoes or paying for a school trip, feel like impossible choices now. Just the other day, I was already worrying about my daughter needing a new PE kit when school starts again, and I have no idea where that money is going to come from. I’ve noticed myself getting snappy, not because I want to, but because I’m so stressed and tired all the time. It’s a horrible feeling, and every day, I feel like I’m failing them a little more.
And then there’s the shame of it all. I haven’t even told my friends how bad things have gotten. It’s too humiliating. I find myself making excuses when they invite me out or suggest meeting up. I pretend I’m busy or saving up for something, but really, I just can’t afford it. The thought of having to admit just how tough things are is mortifying. I feel so isolated, like I’m stuck in this bubble of worry that I can’t let anyone see.
Most nights, I lie awake, my mind racing with “what ifs.” What if something unexpected comes up? A big emergency or even just a dentist bill feels like it could tip us over the edge. It’s like walking on a tightrope, and every step feels like it could be the one where everything comes crashing down. I try to keep it together for the kids’ sake, but it’s exhausting, and some days, it feels like I’m just pretending to be OK.
My oldest, he’s only twelve, and he’s already starting to ask if we’re going to be alright. I keep telling him we will be, but honestly, I don’t know. Everything feels so fragile and uncertain, and the fear of what’s next is overwhelming. I’m desperate for some stability, something to hold on to, something to show me that things will get better. But right now, it just feels like that’s a million miles away, and I’m scared of how much longer I can keep going like this.
